


Sorting Out His Priorities

by but_i_am_the_chosen_one



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Anxious Hermione Granger, Canon-Typical Violence, Child Abuse, Depression, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Harry Potter Needs a Hug, Hogwarts Third Year, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Panic Attacks, Past Child Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, References to Depression, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-28
Updated: 2021-02-21
Packaged: 2021-03-10 00:54:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,899
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27755698
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/but_i_am_the_chosen_one/pseuds/but_i_am_the_chosen_one
Summary: A very different third year ensues when Harry chooses Hermione over the Firebolt. He opens up about his abuse at the Dursleys and she opens up about her anxiety and past depression and self-harm. They also find friendship in the other Gryffindors and get a less isolated view on the wizarding world.
Relationships: Hermione Granger/Harry Potter
Comments: 20
Kudos: 68





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> This story is probably going to continue through third year and possibly onwards. This is my first fanfic that I've ever written so I don't really know how fast I'll write. Please be kind and leave reviews but I will take ANY constructive criticism. Without further ado, let's get into my first story.
> 
> Disclaimer:  
> The only thing that's mine is the storyline and even some of that is borrowed. Everything recognizable belongs to She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named(J.K. Rowling), Scholastic, and Warner Bros.

While Ron shouted at Hermione for going behind Harry’s back about the Firebolt, Harry wondered whether he should be mad and shouting as well. Hermione was both right and wrong in the situation; she was right, the broom could be from someone dangerous(considering his previous track record this was very likely). But he felt betrayed that she had gone and told McGonagall without trying to talk to him. Knowing Hermione, she could have convinced him if she tried hard enough. Even if she didn’t convince him before he was going to fly it she could have said “I’m doing this for your own good, Harry.”

While he was upset about Hermione telling McGonagall, he knew Ron was out of line yelling at her like this. “That’s enough, Ron.” interrupted Harry.

“Thank you- wait what?” asked Ron, confused.

“I said that’s enough, she shouldn’t have gone behind my back but she was only looking out for my safety, for all we know Sirius Black really could have sent the broom.”  
Hermione looked both guilty and pleased at the same time.

“Are you mad? That’s a top of the line broom!” exclaimed Ron.

“Of course I’m not mad, but isn’t Hermione’s friendship more important than that?”

“Maybe to you, but still, you’re just going to forgive her that easily?” asked Ron, defeatedly.

This was apparently the very wrong thing to say. “First of all, she has saved our arses more times than I can think, she’s the only reason you aren’t failing your classes!” boomed Harry, “Also I never said she was forgiven, we have a lot to talk about but that isn’t a conversation you need to be involved in! How does this even affect you, it’s my broom!”

Ron grew an angry shade of red. He started to retort this statement but seemed to think better of it and stormed back up to his dormitory.

Harry took his glasses off and pinched the bridge of his nose. He didn’t even know how to start the next conversation. He wanted to be able to preserve his friendship with Hermione, this meant Harry had to rein in his temper now so he didn’t explode from residual anger while he was talking to her. Just as Harry was finally ready to speak, Hermione interrupted his thoughts.

“Harry, I-”

“Hermione, just let me speak first, yeah?”

“Okay.”

Both moved and sat on the couch in front of the slowly dying fire.

“I know that you were just trying to keep me safe but the way you went about it was not right. If you had just talked to me again, maybe away from Ron, I think I would’ve understood what you were trying to tell me. I understand you were probably blinded by concern but please, just talk to me. I don’t want to lose you over a stupid broomstick.”

Hermione looked deep in thought for a moment. A single tear slid down her cheek. She wiped it away and began to explain herself. “I know Harry, I was just- just, so worried that even if I did speak to you about it again you would ignore me and then go fly the broom and d-die. And before you say you would have listened again you have to understand, you and Ron don’t typically listen to me. More Ron than you, but in any case, I couldn’t bear to see you endanger your life just because you were excited about a broom. What I did was wrong and I’m so, so sorry.”

Tears were now freely falling from her red and puffy eyes. Harry suddenly understood what drove Hermione to tell McGonagall. Looking back over the last two years, Harry hadn’t been a very good friend, he didn’t listen to Hermione, he lazed about with Ron when he should be trying to learn everything he can when he, inevitably, faces Voldemort again, and he always favored Ron over Hermione when forced to choose, even if Ron was in the wrong.

After these upsetting thoughts, Harry approached Hermione and wrapped her in a warm hug. After this Hermione’s chest started to heave with sobs as she wept into Harry’s shoulder.  
“Shhh, it’s okay. I’m so sorry.” he soothed.

Hermione pulled back and sniffled, “W-what are you s-sorry about?”

“I’ve been a terrible friend. I-”

This seemed to rouse Hermione out of her sadness as she said with conviction, “Harry, you have not been a terrible friend. You are always there for me, you put up with my constant nagging, and you don’t make fun of me. That’s the best I’ve gotten from anyone my age that isn’t family. You’re the first true friend I’ve ever had, don’t think I forget that.”  
Harry tried to object.

“Yes, Harry, you’ve made mistakes but everyone does. In any case, you’re a much better friend than Ron.”

Harry pulled Hermione back into a hug.

“You’re my best friend Hermione, much more important than any broomstick could be.”

Both Harry and Hermione started to cry and hug each other tighter, both thankful to have a true friend after their early years of isolation and bullying. Of course, Ron chose this tender moment to come back down from the dormitory.

“Oh and I suppose after she cried a bit she’s all forgiven?” stated Ron angrily.

Harry and Hermione separated and looked back at Ron.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” asked Harry.

“You know exactly what I mean, all girls do it, they spew a few crocodile tears and everyone just forgets they did anything wrong.”

“You take that back right now.” ground out an angry Hermione.

“No, why would I? It’s the truth.”

“Take it back, Ron.” said Harry. “Just because your 13 year old brain can’t process emotions doesn’t mean that others can’t.”

Ron clenched his fists and gave Hermione a look of disgust. “I hope you’re happy, have him wrapped around your finger, don’t you? Harry, come to me when you realize what she’s doing to you.” With that Ron turned on his heel and stormed back up to his dormitory.

Harry and Hermione sat looking at each other, trying to figure out how Ron could say what he just did.

Finally, Hermione broke the silence. “While that reaction wasn’t surprising or entirely unwelcome I’m sorry it happened. He’s always been a bit of a prat to me but I didn’t say anything because I didn’t want to jeopardize our friendship. I know he was your first friend Harry, if you don’t want to talk about it I understand, but I’m here.”

Harry shook his head, “I’ve known for a while, I was just ignoring it and hoping he would mature but I think that showed his true colors. I’m kind of glad to be rid of him to be honest, I think he was dragging me down a bit. I came to Hogwarts prepared to learn and not have to pretend to be stupid so that Dudley looked better but I saw that Ron wasn’t really interested in studies and didn’t want to lose the first friend I ever had.”

Hermione looked taken aback, “What do you mean pretending to be stupid? Why did you have to act stupider than your cousin?”

Harry took a deep breath. He hadn’t wanted to have this conversation tonight but it seemed unavoidable. He knew he was going to have to tell someone eventually. “Hermione, I- my home life isn’t great. My aunt and uncle hate me, they starve me if I don’t do what they say, they treat me as a slave. When I was in primary school if I got better grades than Dudley I got shut in my cupboard for a week and my uncle would- he would- h-hit me. That’s why I’m always so thin at the beginning of the year, the barely feed me anything, I probably would have starved to death this summer if you and Ron hadn’t sent me that food. Dudley and his friends used to beat me up all the time at school too. I tried telling teachers but no one believed me, they just thought I was a delinquent. The abuse stopped after I got my Hogwarts letters and they moved me into Dudley’s second bedroom but they still treat me like their slave and they still starve me sometimes.”

At some point during his story, Harry had started to cry and Hermione had wrapped him in a comforting embrace. Harry’s body wracked with heavy sobs as the fire died. With silent conviction, Hermione swore that she would help her friend get away from his wretched relatives.

“Harry, why didn’t you tell anyone?” asked Hermione, hoping she wasn’t pushing too far past the boundaries.

“I- I d-didn’t think anyone c-cared!” cried Harry.

“Oh, Harry. Of course there are people who care, I’m sure if you just talked to Professor McGonagall she could find a way to help you.”

“N-no, it’s more t-trouble than i-it’s worth.”

“Harry, you are worth everything, you are loved, you are important, and you deserve to be saved. You don’t have to do everything on your own.” responded Hermione. This simple statement lifted Harry’s spirits. No one had ever told him this before. Sure he had been told that his parents loved him very much, but they were dead. Harry held Hermione impossibly tighter. “Thank you, Hermione, thank you.” whispered Harry, smiling through his still softly flowing tears.

Hermione flushed slightly, but squeezed Harry just a little tighter. She knew she was going to help her best friend, no matter what the obstacles. What was the reward? This, this was the reward, seeing him happy was all she needed. So what if he was still as oblivious to her feelings as ever?


	2. The Replacement

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry starts to build bridges with the rest of the Gryffindor third years.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Thanks for coming back for the second chapter, which is the first real chapter, the first one was sort of a prologue. I was dealing with a fair amount of writer's block but I made it through the chapter. This is a bit longer than the first chapter and they will probably get longer as I learn how to write better. I realize how fast-paced the first chapter was but I think I fixed it. Again, criticism is very welcome. Enjoy!
> 
> Disclaimer: Not mine. Belongs to She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named(JKR if you must), Scholastic, and Warner Bros.

As the sun rose early in the morning after Christmas two young Gryffindor’s awoke in a very compromising position. Harry and Hermione both jumped apart rapidly as they realized they slept cuddled on the couch together all night. Both were blushing heavily and had no idea what to say.

“Harry-”

“Hermione-”

Both giggled nervously at their synchronized response and Hermione’s cheeks were dusted with a light blush. Harry didn’t know why he was so nervous. Why was his stomach doing backflips? It wasn’t like it was the first time he had fallen asleep in the common room after a late night, how was this different? You were sleeping with Hermione, that’s why spoke his subconscious. But how would that change anything; Harry knew she was a girl but this never happened with anyone else.

Before Harry could continue his inner debate, Hermione interrupted. “Sorry Harry, you looked like you were sleeping so peacefully and I didn’t want to wake you so I just slept here.”

“You’re fine, thank you for last night by the way.”

“Of course, you’re my best friend.” said Hermione as she hugged him again. Although she looked a little pained by the statement. Harry wondered why that best friend part hurt him so much too. However, the second he was wrapped in Hermione’s warm embrace he had the distinct feeling everything would be all right; despite the abuse, evil madman trying to end his life every year, and the deranged convict that was out to get him.

As Harry and Hermione enjoyed their hug, neither realized Ron coming down the stairs into the common room. He froze and his face contorted into one of confusion and then rage.

“So I suppose you two are all romantic now that I’m out of the way?” questioned the uninvited party.

Harry and Hermione both started and pulled away rapidly, mirroring the way they jumped apart when they woke up that very morning.

“Have you ever tried minding your own business?” interjected Harry, coolly, before Ron could continue his angry rant. “Hermione and I were talking about the broom situation and we must have fallen asleep before we made it up to our respective dorms. As for the hugging, I was thanking her for calming me down last night.”

“I’m not going to stand by and just watch my best friend be manipulated by a girl just because he’s too stupid to realize what’s happening!” yelled Ron.

Hermione looked as if she could murder Ron at this point. Harry caught onto this and grabbed Hermione’s arm as she reached for her wand. “He’s not worth it, Hermione, he’s just being a git.” said Harry. Now, speaking louder, “I think you should watch what you say Ron, I won’t tolerate you berating Hermione any longer. She does nothing but help us and I don’t think you ever appreciated it. You were my first friend Ron, I don’t want to lose you but you’ve got to make a choice Ron.”

“No, Harry, you’re the one who has to make a choice! Me or her? It shouldn’t be that hard.” responded Ron.

Harry thought for a moment, the last two years flashed before his eyes. He saw himself laughing and joking with Ron. Then, memories of Ron holding him back and ridiculing Hermione came through. It hurt to lose the first friend he’d ever had but especially after his discussion with Hermione the previous night it was obvious what the right choice was, “It isn’t hard, I choose Hermione.”

Ron looked as if he was about to explode, then he seemed to calm down, “Your loss, we’ll see who comes crawling back when they realize that all she cares about are her books and grades.” With that final remark, Ron turned on his heel and marched back up the stairs to the boy's dorms.

Harry sat back down on the couch and put his face in his hands. “I had hoped he would’ve realized he was wrong but I guess I overestimated his maturity.”

Hermione put her hand on his back(Harry’s stomach did yet another backflip) and spoke for the first time since Ron had come down to the common room, “You know you didn’t have to do that, right Harry? I know I’m not a whole lot of fun to hang out with and Ron was your first friend-”

“Hermione, stop. You are my best friend and mean the world to me, there’s a difference between a best mate and a best friend. You screw around with your best mate and have fun; a best friend is the one who’s there for you when it matters, and that isn’t Ron, I realize that now. He wouldn’t truly stick by me when things got tough, you’ll always be by my side, I know that now.” interrupted Harry with a smile.

Hermione looked surprised by Harry’s statement, “I never knew you thought of me like that, Harry. I always thought you just kept me around so that I could help you when you and Ron got into your yearly shenanigans.”

This statement reinforced Harry’s belief that he had been a terrible friend to Hermione. “I know that you don’t agree with me but I truly have been a bad friend,” Hermione started to interrupt, but Harry continued, “please just let me finish. You might not agree with me but I know what a good friend is and I haven’t been one. I promise to do better. I’m going to study more and I want to actually get to know you better, past the fact that you love school and reading.”

To Hermione this was a huge breakthrough, she never considered the fact that Harry wanted to actually get to know her and spend time with her. It was so new to see Harry so interested in her in general. She couldn’t help but hope that maybe her feelings weren’t quite as unrequited as she had thought… right? “Thank you Harry, you don’t really have to and I truly wasn’t expecting that, but thank you.”

“Of course ‘Mione, shall we head down to breakfast?” responded Harry.

“Sure, I’ll just go get dressed.”

“Me too.”

* * *

When Harry and Hermione made their way down to the Great Hall the castle was so lifeless compared to the hustle and bustle it carried during term. As they entered, the lack of people in Hogwarts for the break was even more apparent. Worried that Ron would seek them out if they were sitting alone, Harry and Hermione settled down with Neville. Harry across from him and Hermione next to him. Neville jumped in his seat and spilled his pumpkin juice down his shirt.

“H-hi Harry, Hermione.”

“Hello, Neville. Are you okay?” greeted Hermione.

“I’m okay, you guys just startled me. I’m not used to people sitting with me, much less you guys.” responded Neville.

“Sorry about that mate. I always meant to get to know you better, just haven’t really had time.” said Harry, sheepishly.

“It’s alright, I’m kinda used to it.”

“That’s no excuse Neville, I should have made more of an effort. I know we aren’t really great friends but I want to get to know you better. And don’t think I’ve forgotten that you backed me up last year when everyone thought I was the heir.” said Harry as he loaded his plate with some eggs and bacon, “I didn’t value that enough but I want to start to make up for that. I hope you’ll let me?” He had always meant to get closer with Neville after he tried to stop them from getting the stone in first year but he got rather sidetracked due to the basilisk business.

“Harry, really, it’s fine.” assured Neville. While Harry knew Neville was fine he still felt bad. As he watched Hermione and Neville jump into easy conversation he felt awkward and out of place. He had started to realize how much he’d neglected his fellow Gryffindors because of how possessive Ron was. Harry decided it was time to start rebuilding the barely formed bridges between himself and the rest of his peers. Now just to find a way to start the repairs. Weekly games of Exploding Snap? No, they all play almost every night anyways. Quidditch scrimmages for fun? Yeah, because Lavender and Parvati would want to play Quidditch. And then, he got it.

“That is a really interesting theory Neville. I wonder if you could use the leaves for other remedies?”

“Yeah, I-”

“Neville, would you be able to see if the other Gryffindors would be interested in starting a study group?” said Harry, declining towards the end of his question as he realized he had interrupted Neville. “Sorry Neville, you can continue, I didn’t mean to interrupt.”

“Never mind that Harry, Hermione, and I talk about this all the time. I normally study with Seamus and Dean but I’m sure the others would be interested. I can ask them if you think it would be too awkward for you to do it?” assured Neville.

“Thanks Nev, I just want to get to know everyone better, I feel like I’ve been neglecting my house.” said Harry, voicing his thoughts from not minutes ago.

“No one blames you, Harry, they’re thankful for all the points you get us, and more importantly the fact that you’ve saved the school twice.” soothed Hermione.

“I didn’t do all that by myself, I had you and… him.” responded Harry, glancing down the table towards Ron who had arrived at some point, unnoticed, and was eating alone, characteristically stuffing his face like a pig. Harry felt a slight twinge of guilt but then reminded himself of how poorly Ron treated Hermione and really everyone one around that wasn’t him.

“I understand if you guys don’t want to talk about it but things seem off with you and Ron, you normally sit with him. Did something happen?” queried Neville.

Harry and Hermione shared a quick glance and nod of their heads. “Neville, I got a Firebolt for Christmas, it was sent anonymously. I was blinded by my excitement and didn’t realize that a certain Sirius Black could’ve jinxed it and then sent it to me. Ron and I refused to believe Hermione when she warned us about this so she went behind our back and told Professor McGonagall, Ron got pissed about it and then started screaming at Hermione. Then, I realized that Hermione was right, as always,” both Harry and Hermione blushed, not going unnoticed by Neville, “and I rowed with Ron, then we rowed later that night when he made some comments about Hermione, and then again this morning when he found me and Hermione on the couch together, where we fell asleep last night.” explained Harry, “because it was really late and we stayed up after fighting with Ron!” he added hastily.

Throughout the explanation, Neville’s face went through a variety of emotions, excitement, fear, anger, and then, he smirked at Harry’s near-forgotten ending. He then schooled his features and responded, “That explains why Ron’s been giving me dirty looks ever since he sat down.”

All three glanced towards Ron, who then slammed his utensils down and stormed from the hall, face blazing in anger. “I reckon he thinks I’m replacing him.” stated Neville.

Harry and Hermione looked at each other and smiled, “I don’t think we’d be opposed to that Neville.”

The beam that spread across Neville’s face almost made losing Ron as a friend seem like a positive event. Harry knew he just found a very worthy friend in Neville.

All three finished their breakfast, spending the rest of the meal joking around and getting to know each other better. Neville was actually a lot more confident than he seemed from an outsider’s view. He was funny and intelligent, he just got flustered around those he didn’t know.

Just as Harry finished his last piece of bacon Hermione’s face grew suddenly very serious. “Harry, I think we should go talk to Professor McGonagall.” said Hermione.

“Why do you guys have to talk to Professor McGonagall? Is it about the broom?” asked Neville.

“Erm, not exactly. I’d love to tell you, Neville, it’s just a very tricky subject. I promise I’ll tell you soon though, okay?” responded Harry.

Neville nodded and went back to eating his breakfast. Harry was glad that was the reaction, he was worried that Neville would demand that he tell him what was going on. However, Harry realized that wasn’t the person that Neville was, if you gave him a good reason, he backed off and let you deal with it on your own.

“Ready to go Harry?” Hermione’s call broke through Harry’s thoughts of his newfound friend.

“Yeah,”

The two set off, out of the hall. Harry knew he was about to have one of the most difficult conversations in his life. It was one thing to talk to his ‘home’ life with Hermione, it was entirely another to talk to a professor about it, his head of house no less. At least Hermione would be there to support him through the entire experience.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed the first major chapter. Next chapter: the meeting with McGonagall and more! Please review!


	3. The Meeting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry and Hermione have their meeting with Professor McGonagall. There's a bit of a road bump.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am a TERRIBLE person. My life has just been really hectic lately and I'm most certainly a gremlin writer(my new favorite term from a TikTok I saw made by oscarwildechild). The long-awaited meeting with McG is finally here.
> 
> I'm going to have to give a trigger warning for this chapter. Abuse is heavily described at the end of the chapter. I'm going to mark where it is so anyone who's triggered by this is prepared or can skip it if the feel the need to do so.

As Harry and Hermione walked to Professor McGonagall’s office he was getting increasingly more anxious of what was to come. Hermione had noticed that Harry was dragging his feet as he walked and his face was considerably pale. Hermione asked, “Harry? Are you okay?”

“I’ll be fine Hermione, I’m just a little nervous.” responded Harry. In fact, Harry was more than a little nervous; he was positively freaking out. And if Harry thought that he had fooled Hermione, he was sorely mistaken.

“Are you sure?”

“I said I’m fine.” snapped Harry. Hermione looked taken aback and then pulled Harry into the next empty classroom.

“Harry, I know this is going to be difficult. I can’t pretend to understand what you went through but I do know that if you want it to be over you have to tell someone.”

“I’m just so scared she isn’t going to take me seriously.” said Harry, voice shaking.

“Why do you think that Harry, why wouldn’t she take you seriously?” asked Hermione.

“Well… one time I told my teacher what was happening. The teacher thought I was just a delinquent like the Dursleys had told them. She didn’t believe me and she told Uncle Vernon what I told her. Let’s say that was probably the worst I’d ever gotten from him.” he explained, even though he knew that wasn’t the worst he had gotten..

Hermione’s head was spinning at the fact that a teacher could be so irresponsible to not even investigate Harry’s claims. “Harry, Professor McGonagall would never do that, even if she doesn’t believe it, which she will, she would investigate it and try to help.” Hermione was now fuming, “If she doesn’t we can find someone who will believe you. It doesn’t matter how many hoops I have to jump through--I  _ will _ get you out of that house.” swore Hermione.

Harry was taken aback by Hermione’s impassioned speech. No one had ever cared for him at this intensity. Unless, of course, you counted the intense hatred his aunt, uncle, and cousin harbored for him. Never before had someone been so adamant in defending him and his safety. With this thought Harry launched himself at Hermione and gave her a hug that would’ve knocked them onto the floor if Harry hadn’t steadied them. “Thank you Hermione… I…  _ thank you _ .” he whispered.

“Of course, Harry, you’re my best and first friend, I’ll do everything in my power to help you.” she said as she squeezed him back. The inadvertent effect of this was Harry becoming quite aware of a certain developing part of her anatomy, he stiffened.

They separated, although Hermione did so a bit reluctantly. “Ready to go, Harry?” He rolled his shoulders, “Yeah, I think so.”

Hermione took Harry’s hand as they walked to the door. As they exited into the hallway Harry became acutely aware of this but wasn’t bothered. Holding hands with Hermione was actually quite nice now that he was aware of it.  _ Because you like her, idiot. _ Called a voice in his head.  _ Well of course I like her, she’s my best friend! _ He thought.  _ Dumbass, you  _ like _ her. _ Of course his inner monologue was obnoxious, why wouldn’t it be. Where was this coming from? He had never  _ liked _ someone before. What did it really mean? Did he have a crush on her? What was going-

His thoughts were cut off as they had now arrived at Professor McGonagall’s office. Both Harry and Hermione then realized that they had held hands the entire walk from the classroom to the office. They pulled their hands apart, blushing. Hermione cleared her throat awkwardly and raised her hand to knock on the door.

After a moment the door swung open to reveal Professor McGonagall. “Mr. Potter. Ms. Granger. Please come in.” she greeted in her familiar Scottish burr.

They all walked in, McGonagall heading to her desk and Harry and Hermione sitting in stiff, wood-backed chairs. The office was just as Harry remembered, inviting but also very formal.

Harry was trying to project confidence but inside he was drowning. This wasn’t going to be easy for him. He knew he was going to have to relive some of his worst moments for this meeting to have any effect whatsoever.

“So I’m assuming this is about the anonymous broomstick?” queried the professor.

Harry coughed a little, he had almost forgotten about that for all of the trauma the discussion of his abuse had and would continue resurfacing. “Not exactly, professor. That issue has been pretty much resolved, suffice to say someone knocked some sense into me and I know that it was pretty suspicious to be sent a top of the line broomstick by an unnamed party. Especially with Sirius Black on the loose.” said Harry.

“Glad to hear that Potter, I’m assuming this someone was Ms. Granger?” responded McGonagall.

“You would be correct in that assumption. What I wanted to talk to you about is… um, that is to say, I wanted to talk to you a little about my home life, ma’am.”

“What about your home life?” she asked, irritable. Harry couldn’t really tell anyone why, but it seemed as if his professor already knew something about his mistreatment. He also couldn’t say if he was relieved about this notion or even more anxious.

“Erm, well, it’s not great, professor. There’s… it… I guess the simplest way to put it is the Dursleys are… unkind. I don’t get fed enough and I do all their chores, and that’s the short list. I… they abuse me.” he said, haltingly and nervously.

“I knew it. I told Albus, he shouldn’t have left you there. I don’t know why I didn’t check in on you. Oh, I should’ve asked you as soon as you got to the school! I promise, I will get you out of there Harry. You won’t spend another day in that god-awful home!” exclaimed Professor McGonagall, her accent coming out strongly in her anger, as she stood up and started to pace about her office.

Harry was not alone in his surprise at his professor’s outburst. Neither Harry nor Hermione had seen her show this much emotion… ever. As she fumed and walked around, the two students made eye contact. Harry looked as if he wanted Hermione to explain what was happening, she shrugged her shoulders. She knew just as much as him.

As Professor McGongagall finally started to calm down, she spoke, “My apologies. Please let me explain,” both Harry and Hermione nodded at their professor, “Mr. Potter, the night you were left on the doorstep of the Dursleys’ home, I had been watching them all day. Based on what I saw and what I had heard of your aunt from Lily and James, I knew that it wasn’t a good environment for you to live in. When Albus arrived, I tried to convince him of this and he responded with an explanation of how you needed to be with your family.” Harry started to object but she interrupted him, “I know that you do not consider them family, and nor would I if I was in your place. After Albus’ arguments I, against my better judgement, decided to listen to him and leave you with those wretched people. I don’t think that this is, in any way, forgivable but I am truly sorry for the life I condemned you to on that night. If I had only pushed back a little harder, perhaps you could’ve been brought up in a kind and loving household. 

I only hope that I can make it up to you now that you have been up front about what you faced. If you could just give me some of your memories of the abuse I’m sure I could convince Albus to make some other living arrangements, perhaps with the Weasleys?”

Harry shook his head, “I’m not sure if the Weasleys are such a great idea, professor. Ron and I aren’t exactly on speaking terms and I’m not terribly close with the others.”

“Professor McGonagall, if I may?” entered Hermione. After a nod from her professor, she stated, “I’m sure my parents would be open to hosting Harry, at least temporarily, until something more permanent could be found.”

“That is a very large undertaking Ms. Granger but I’m sure Mr. Potter would be very grateful to stay with someone he knows.” responded the professor.

Harry was looking at Hermione curiously, he didn’t think that anyone would want to have him around like that. “Hermione, I wouldn’t want to intrude. I know you normally go on vacations with your family and things. I could never-”

“Harry, I’m sure we could work something out.” interrupted Hermione, placing her hand over Harry’s. They gazed at each other tenderly for a moment before Professor McGonagall cleared her throat and they jumped apart, she tried her best to look annoyed at being ignored but couldn’t help a bit of softness making its way into her expression. They were so like James and Lily, even if they were a lot older when they started warming up to each other.

“Sorry ma’am.” was the simultaneous response of the two friends.

“Quite alright. Even if this is the case, we would still be cutting through a lot of red tape. That will be easier if we can get Albus to help us but if he refuses, I have some connections in the ministry that should be helpful.” said McGonagall.

“This means a lot to me, professor. I was very nervous about telling someone but I’m glad that Hermione pushed me to do it and suggested coming to you.” Harry stated as he stood up.

“Of course Mr. Potter. Now, for the memories, you’re going to have to concentrate on each specific one for me to pull out. Maybe about five, if that’s doable.”

Harry felt himself start to get nervous. Talking, vaguely, about his relatives was one thing, bringing the shoved down memories to the front of his mind were another. “I can do it.” he said, with all the faux confidence in the world. However, Hermione saw right through it and reached over to squeeze his hand. For some reason, this gave Harry the strength he needed to conquer his fears. “I’m ready.”

The professor conjured five vials and set them on her desk. “Okay, focus on the first memory please.”

Harry focused on the night where he was shut in his cupboard for two days, with no food, for burning the bacon when he was six. He felt the tip of Professor McGonagall’s wand on his temple and felt a strand leaving his head. After it disconnected and she dropped it into the vial he pushed the memory back down to the dark recesses of his brain that were locked up tight. 

For the next memory, Harry pulled forward a rather brutal session of Harry Hunting that left him with a broken arm and cracked ribs he wasn’t taken to the hospital for. Thankfully, his accidental magic healed them overnight. As the new strand disconnected Harry stuffed the memory down even quicker than the last. 

Next, and Harry knew it was going to be particularly worse for the rest of them, he thought of the first time that his uncle had beat him; he had gotten a perfect grade on a spelling test that Dudley had failed in first grade, he learned to dumb himself down after that. The strand disconnected. Back into the locked vault went the memory.

The first time he got the belt. Dudley had tread over Aunt Petunia’s precious garden and blamed Harry. It was also the first time Vernon had dared touch his face. The black eye meant he couldn’t go to school for the next week and the scars from the belt all over his back and chest made him exceptionally good at glamour charms. He was eight. The glowy strand slid into the vial. The memory was locked back away.

*ABUSE FLASHBACK START*

Finally, with his weakened state from the trauma of reliving it, Harry slipped into a true flashback. Not just a memory. Suddenly, he was back in the living room after the Masons had left following the Dobby incident. He rushed towards Harry at an alarmingly fast speed for someone his size. Hands went to Harry’s throat. He was slammed against the wall. Hard. Forced to turn around, hands against the wall, legs spread apart. This position wasn’t unfamiliar. His shirt was ripped off and he heard Vernon’s belt rip through the loops. 

One lash. A dull throbbing. 

Second one. Little bit of a sting. 

Three, throbbing  _ and _ stinging. 

Four. Fuck, that hurt. 

Five. Shit, he wasn’t sleeping on his back tonight. 

And again, and again, and again. On and on and on. When he finally stopped Harry was a blubbering mess, sobbing and all he wanted was for it to stop. He hadn’t cried in  _ years _ . He must’ve been hit about 50 times.

*ABUSE FLASHBACK END*

And then, he was back in Professor McGonagall’s office and he felt her wand disconnect from his forehead. And before he could even shove his worst memory back down as far as the depths of his brain went, he was falling, falling, falling, and he was wrapped in Morpheus’ sweet embrace. He had passed out. As he did so, he faintly heard Hermione and the professor’s cries for him to wake up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah, that was a little angstier than intended. For anyone who felt the need to skip it, Vernon heavily beat Harry after the incident with Dobby in the beginning of Chamber of Secrets. Anyways, I hope you enjoyed this chapter, or if I'm even a halfway decent writer, it made you sad for Harry and mad at the Dursleys.
> 
> Also: If any of you saw, I started a new story that's based off of the Perks of Being a Wallflower movie. This is relatively easy to write because I pull basically all of the dialogue from the film and then add narration so it should be over fairly quickly. Check it out if you want! I'm thinking of doing this with other movies and TV shows too, as I said in my bio. The next thing I'm thinking of is a Marvel AU. I wanna do Iron Man or Captain America(or maybe just MCU in general but that would be a lot of separate works in a larger series) next and I was wondering if anyone would even be interested in it. I'll probably write both but I don't wanna post it if no one's gonna read it. Let me know on here or the POBAW story what you'd be interested in.
> 
> I've never personally dealt with abuse so I tried to be as accurate in my description as I could be. I don't know if it landed but please let me know how I can improve it if I need to.
> 
> If you are in this type of situation please try and find a hotline to call or get help from someone you can trust. If you're in the US here is one that I found:
> 
> National Domestic Violence Hotline: 800-799-SAFE (7233).


	4. The Panic Attack

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry has a panic attack and a discussion about mental health with Hermione.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since I felt so terribly about not posting, I ground out this chapter a lot faster than originally planned. I don't particularly like the pacing of it but I like the chapter overall and decided to be nice and post it. Hope you enjoy!
> 
> Trigger warning: There's a major panic attack and reference to self-harm(cutting( in this chapter. If this triggers you then see the notes at the end for a more in-depth summary and just genuinely don't read this.

Harry felt himself stirring and he could hear someone sobbing and felt them clutching his arm. Then it all came back to him. His eyes snapped open and Hermione startled. She engulfed him in her arms to the point where he could barely breathe.

However, he indulged her because Hermione being so upset shot through him like a physical pain. He would do anything he could to make sure that she was safe and happy.

Eventually, Hermione pulled back and sniffled. At some point Harry had sat up and leaned back against the chair he was in front of. She looked down to his shoulder that she had been curled against and saw it was soaked from her tears.

“Oh, Harry, I’m so sorry.” she exclaimed.

“It’s fine Hermione. I’m just glad you’re okay.”

“Glad _I’m_ okay. Harry, you passed out. I don’t think you should be the one that’s concerned.” said Hermione, with a degree of exasperation.

Harry chuckled, “Well, I’m still glad you’re okay and thank you for your concern, I promise I’m fine.” The last bit was partially a lie, but it was a white one. Hermione could probably tell if Harry was to base it off of the look she was giving him right now. He knew they would be talking about this later, whether he liked it or not.

Harry finally looked around and saw Professor McGonagall was there. She appeared very relieved that he was awake. When she noticed him looking at her, she cleared her throat and gave him a stare that said, ‘I’m very glad that you’re well but I would appreciate it if you got off of my floor.’

Harry nudged Hermione and she glanced over her shoulder and saw the professor’s face. They both rushed to stand up.

“Glad you both saw it fit to stand up. And Mr. Potter, while I heard your assurances to Ms. Granger I must ask, are you okay?” said the professor, with a bit of a smirk if you were to pay careful attention.

“Yes, Professor.” answered Harry.

“Very well, if anything else happens please go see Madam Pomfrey,” at Harry’s grimace she added, “I’m sure I can count on Ms. Granger to see that you make it there if something seems off?”

“Of course, ma’am.” Hermione nodded resolutely as she knew Harry would never go to the hospital wing of his own free will, even if he was dying.

McGonagall smiled, “Thank you for the memories Harry, I believe this was very draining based off of your reactions so see to it that you don’t exert yourself and take it easy for the rest of break. Now, I have some lesson planning to do before the end of break and I have to get these,” she gestured to the vials with the memories, “to my contacts but don’t hesitate to come find me if you need anything. I assure you that all of this will be thoroughly investigated.” Sensing the air of dismissal, Harry and Hermione said their goodbyes and exited the office.

* * *

They walked on in relative silence for a few minutes before Hermione finally broke it. “Harry, are you sure you’re okay? You don’t have to tell me about it if you want to but I know that sometimes it helps to talk about it. Although, if you passed out maybe that’s possibly the opposite of what you should be doing. How should I know though? I guess I’m just trying to help. I’m here for you, you know that right?”

Before Hermione could lose herself in anxious rambling Harry cut her off. “Hermione! I’m fine.” he paused for a second before he pulled her into the next empty classroom. Hermione sat down at a desk, wringing her hands. Harry started to pace the classroom, he sat down on top of the teacher’s desk before standing up and walking about again. Finally, he sat down against the desk. Hermione walked over and sat down next to him.

Harry hesitantly leaned into her and started quietly crying. Not the body-wracking sobs Hermione tended to have, but silent tears with the occasional sniffle. Then, he started to talk. “I’m not fine Hermione. I’m never fine. I flinch anytime anyone except for you tries to get close to me and I block everyone out. Anytime an adult makes a sudden movement I get flashbacks to my uncle pulling his belt out and beating me before chucking me into my cupboard. I’m always on guard! Can you think of anyone who is constantly afraid someone’s just going to grab him and beat the shit out of him?! Is that normal? What’s wrong with me?!”

Harry clutched Hermione and started to sob. How he still had any emotions left to give, he’d never know but crying into Hermione’s shoulder while she whispered soothing words into his ear and rubbed calming circles on his back was exactly what he needed in that moment. Harry had started to hyperventilate and was now rocking back and forth.

His surroundings became blurred and, all of a sudden, he found himself away from Hermione and backed into a corner, still rocking. All the negative memories from his locked up vault started to fly around his mind. Reminding him of every bad thing that had ever happened to him. Then the worst though came to him. Every. Damn. Person. Kept. Leaving. Him. Especially if he loved them.

First, his parents left him. They died protecting him and he had to grow up abused and with the Dursleys.

Then, Grant left him. Even though the friendship was short-lived, that was the best school year of his life. Since he was in the year above him, he wasn't scared of Dudley and his gang attacking him. He had just moved to the neighborhood and didn't buy the juvenile delinquent story. He was his best friend and all of Grant's group took him in like their own, kind of like all the people on the Gryffindor Quidditch team. He hadn't had to deal with Harry Hunting for an entire year. But then, he moved away; his dad's job made him move around a lot; and Harry was left friendless and alone again.

Most recently, Ron left him. Over a broom that wasn’t even his. Ron, his first friend his age, cared more about a broomstick and proving Hermione wrong than their entire friendship and everything they had been through together.

In a better state of mind, Harry would have realized that they would’ve stayed with him if they could but currently all he could think of was how much he despised them for leaving him. He also would have known that Grant had wanted to stay and even tried to send some letters to him. That stopped after the Dursleys refused to let him read or respond to them bur Grant hadn't wanted to go away either. And he would know that Ron’s friendship wasn’t that great in the first place if he could leave him over something as stupid as a broomstick.

But then, he thought, and it hit him like a truck, what if Hermione left him? Everyone he cared about eventually left, that was his life. It wouldn’t be long before Hermione was rid of him at this rate. Who would want to hang around with a scrawny, stupid, damaged, little boy like him? No one. That’s right no one. Add on the fact that he almost dies every year and that possibility usually extends to those he cares about, no one in their right mind would hang around with him longer than needed.

Why did Hermione hang around a _freak_ like him? Was it out of obligation? Pity? There was no reason for it.

Before Harry could spiral any further, something snapped him back. Hermione’s voice.

“Harry. Harry listen to me.” she was kneeling in front of him with her hand on his knee.

Harry stared at her through his tear filled eyes, searching for any form of guidance on what the fuck he was supposed to be doing in his awful, miserable, worthless life.

“Can you give me five things you can see?” she said in a soothing voice.

He forced himself to tear his eyes from Hermione and look around the room with the compulsion to do what she said because he knew that she would always help him.

“I- I s-see t-the desks. T-the b-black-blackboard. Y-your h-hair. Th-the chairs. A-and,” Harry looked back into Hermione’s eyes, “and your eyes.” Harry felt his head start to clear, just the tiniest bit.

“Good, good job Harry. You’re doing great. Can you say four things you can touch?”

“I c-can feel t-the floor, a-and my tie… too tight.” Harry rapidly loosened his tie, slightly slipping back under before Hermione squeezed his knee and he knew he had to keep going. “Y-your hand on-on my knee and t-the wall.”

“I’ve got you Harry. You’re doing so well. Could you give me three things you can hear. I’m right here.”

“I c-can hear your v-voice. And t-the owls in the owlery and my breath.” Harry was feeling even clearer now.

“You’re doing so good. I’ve got you, Harry.” she moved a little closer and moved the hand on Harry’s knee to his shoulder and lightly squeezed. “What about two things you can smell? You can do it.” she encouraged.

Harry sniffed the air. He could smell flowers, like a day out by the lake with his friends. Harry instantly recognized it. “I c-can smell your shampoo.” He thought for a moment again, “And the candles on the wall.”

“So good Harry, you’re doing an awesome job. And can you give me one thing you can taste? You’re almost there.”

Harry, almost back to reality now, tasted something salty and smoky, oh, that’s what it was! “I can taste the bacon from my breakfast.”

“Are you with me Harry?” asked Hermione.

“Yeah, I’m here. What was that?”

She shifted uncomfortably for a moment. “Erm, I think you had a panic attack Harry. I used to get them a lot when I was little.”

“Oh, um, that’s… well, what was the five four three two one thing? I knew I had to do it but, like, what was it?”

“That’s- it’s an exercise I learned in therapy. My mum used to do it for me when I had panic attacks or got anxious.”

“Okay. It worked really well so… Thanks.” said Harry awkwardly. He had no idea Hermione had dealt with all of that when she was really little. He wanted to know more so that he could help but he wasn’t sure he could ask. He didn’t want to overstep.

Hermione seemed to know what he was thinking though because she said, “You can ask questions Harry. I’m not super open about it but I think it’ll maybe help you so…” she trailed off.

“I just didn’t want to overstep.” Harry shifted a little bit and took a moment to dry his eyes with his sweater sleeve.

“Just ask, Harry. I know you have questions.” said Hermione, softly.

“Do you still have anxiety and stuff? Like do you still get panic attacks?”

“I’m anxious pretty much all the time,” she admitted with a chuckle, “I still get panic attacks occasionally but I have really good coping methods and if they’re really bad, calming draughts from Madam Pomfrey are a godsend.”

“When do you get anxious?”

“Normally, around exams and stuff. As you know, I’m a bit of a perfectionist and I never feel good enough. I always felt like I had something to prove. I’m a lot better about it now but it still happens with big things like finals.” she hesitated for a moment, “I usually get pretty anxious during the stuff that happens with us and Ron. Like, in first year after I went through the fire to get help, I had a pretty bad panic attack. I was able to deal with it quickly though, thank god.”

Harry felt very bad about this. If she already had anxiety and he was adding onto it… He felt sick to his stomach that Hermione had ever had to feel like he just did a few minutes ago. He was about to apologize but Hermione interrupted.

“Don’t you dare apologize. I made my own choices to help you with all that and I don’t regret it. I know how to deal with my stuff and I don’t let it hold me back anymore. It’s not your fault. Besides, it’s not even as bad as it used to be. I used to get panic attacks like every other week and cut my-” Hermione abruptly cut herself off, realizing she had just revealed her deepest secret. She swore she would never ever tell _anyone_ about cutting herself. And now she had gone and revealed it to just about the only person who enjoyed her company at school. Who would want to hang out with a _freak_ who cut herself just because she got a B on a quiz. She hadn’t done it since first year but still, she had done it. She was gearing up to tell Harry that he didn’t have to hang out with her if she didn’t want to anymore when he spoke.

“Hermione? Did you say you cut yourself?”

_Well, there goes my best friend._ She thought. “Listen, you don’t have to hang out with me anymore if you don’t want-”

“The blood on your robes on Halloween first year wasn’t from the troll was it? Hermione, _please_ answer me.” he pleaded.

“Uh, no it wasn’t, and I don’t expect you to want to be friends with me anymore but you were a great friend.” she started to stand up but Harry pulled her back down.  
  


“Hermione do you honestly think I would leave you just because you self-harmed?” asked Harry, incredulously.

“Yeah?” she said with a tone of confusion.

“Then let me tell you, I don’t care. This doesn’t change anything in our friendship. If anything it makes me want to get even closer with you to make sure you never do it again. You’re my best friend and nothing’s gonna change that.” he engulfed her in a hug.

“Thank you Harry. You’re my best friend too.” _And more_ taunted the annoying voice in her head. She promptly told it to shut up and stop ruining such a sweet moment.

As she nestled into the crook of Harry’s neck, she thought of how lucky she was to have him. Hermione never expected Harry to be so accepting of her mental health issues but there he was, soothing her after _he_ had a panic attack, and probably his first one from what she could tell. Because of this she knew that she had to get him out of that terrible home and get him some help. He needed to talk to someone and she could only relate her own experiences, she didn’t really have a way to help him deal with his past abuse. She finally resolved to get Harry to see Madam Pomfrey or a therapist.

Hermione allowed herself to enjoy their hug for a few more minutes and then pulled back. Harry looked a little confused and raised his brow at her.

Hermione took a deep breath, “Harry, please don’t take this the wrong way but I think you should talk to a therapist.” she winced at Harry’s affronted look.

“What? I’m not crazy. I don’t need to talk to anyone. I’m just fine.”

“You don’t have to be crazy to have to talk to a therapist. Therapy helped me a lot. I went when I was little. And Madame Pomfrey’s also a mind healer. That’s the wizard equivalent of a therapist. I talk to her a lot when I’m stressed or thinking about cutting again. I know you don’t really like her but she’s great to talk to and she could probably give you a more accurate diagnosis so you can get the help you need. Oh don’t give me that look, you know that you need it. Panic attacks normally aren’t a one-off thing. What happens if you get one and I’m not there to help you?” she took a deep breath, “You have to talk to _someone_ and it can’t just be me, Harry. I’m not certified and I can’t really give you the help you need.”

“Okay. It’s just a lot. Do you think you could give me some time to think about it?” asked Harry, clearly still uncomfortable with the subject.

“Of course, Harry. In the meantime, if you need someone to talk to, I’m here for you. It’s not a permanent solution though.”

“I know. Thank you Hermione.” he wrapped her in another hug and there they sat, for quite awhile, just content in each other’s comfort and company for now. They both knew that they would be faced with a lot more in the future but for now, they could have this little bit of peace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Harry wakes up in McGonagall's office. Harry, Hermione and McG have a discussion. Harry and Hermione leave and Hermione offers to talk about the memory that made him faint, thinking it would help. They go into an empty classroom and Harry devolves into a panic attack. Hermione pulls him out of it and then they talk about how Hermione cut herself up until early in first year. Hermione tries to convince Harry to see a therapist.
> 
> Edited 2/21/21: I fixed the continuity error. If you don't wanna reread, I created a child that was friends with Harry one year and then moved away.

**Author's Note:**

> I don't really love how my ending turned out but it's a nice little suspended ending to motivate me to actually write. I'll try to update every Saturday or Sunday and write a few banking chapters this weekend since I'm on break from school. Thanks for reading, please review, and I hope you enjoyed!


End file.
